Something Horrible and
Hilarious Happened at Work Today
Some of you may
have noticed that I haven't been on nearly
as much lately. Okay... nobody noticed...
Anyhoo, the reason is that my boss closed
our second location about a month ago,
meaning I'm stuck working with him at our
primary store. Since he spends all day
looking at porn on the computer, that means
no internet time for me during the day. But
there is a second, more sinister problem
associated with sharing a store with him --
his painfully stinky bathroom visits.
The man pollutes the entire back room, where
my work bench is very conveniently located.
And the man refuses to spray afterwards --
something about the smell of chemicals
affecting people with allergies. (Yeah Rich,
the smell of rancid feces is much
better.)
Today was different. He went into the
bathroom, and as I heard the initial bowl
fart, I prepared for the usual stinkyness.
He must have eaten something different last
night. The smell that wafted out a minute
later was far, far beyond horrible. It was
nuclear. I'm telling you that in our humble
restroom, atomic nuclei were either
recombining to forge brand new elements, or
splitting to form terrestrially-unheard-of
isotopes. Within a minute, my co-worker
literally ran out the back door, looking
like he was about to boot. I was about to
follow when a customer came into the store.
My vision blurred, I waded through the
radiation fields to the front. The man
seemed pleasant and unflappable, but there
is no way he couldn't have noticed.
Then, just as a snooty-looking woman entered
the store, my boss (his name is also Rich)
emerged from the restroom, which now glowed
a bright green. He leaves the bathroom door
WIDE OPEN. As he walked to the front, the
vile, lethal, radioactive cloud followed
him, as evidenced by the paint peeling from
the walls. As he greets the woman, she
suddenly coughs, dry-heaves, and exclaims,
"My GOD! Haven't you ever heard of Lysol???"
as she stormed out of the store.
I calmly walked out to my car, sat down, and
laughed myself to the point of tears. I SO
wish I had a camcorder (although I am
dubious it would have survived the intense
radiation).