How is it possible that you can be sitting down on the can, and it shoots out backwards onto the back of the seat, and the tank? I can't even fathom how it's physically possible... unless I've opened up an auxiliary schfincter.

How is it possible that, despite voiding out both ends for almost 24 hours, and despite not eating during that period, that I've still got the green apple splatters? Did my spleen liquefy?

And how is it possible that the hairs on top of my head hurt,and I don't even have hair? Is this like an amputee experiencing phantom pains?

Moan. Whimper. Ralph.