My son celebrated his fourth birthday
Monday. In the past couple of weeks, he has made great
strides in his potty training, to the point that,
finally, we can consider him potty-trained. So, as a
reward, I bought him a set of Spider-Man underwear he
had wanted.
Last night, I was on the computer, when I noticed something. It was too quiet. No toy cars, no running back and forth... what's going on? Oh NO... he's hiding! And that canonly mean one thing...
It didn't take long to find him. He was crouched underneath the dining room table. The only thing plainly visible was the Spider-Man underwear. But... something was wrong with Spidey. To my horror, Spidey's normally two-dimensional image had become distorted and stretched. He appeared to have something poking him from the back. In fact, I was half-expecting an Alien to come bursting out, grab a top hat, and start high-stepping to "Hello my baby, hello my darling, hello my ragtime gal..." (like in Spaceballs).
Then he turned to the side, and, um... wow. Now, normally, when someone is having an accident in their pants, the poop kind of smushes into a soggy ball. Not this time. Maybe he was a little constipated, and his stool was a little dry, because this just came
straight out, with no give whatsoever. Let me put it this way: had this bulge been on the other side, then I would have been a REEEEEEEEALY proud daddy. As it was, I buried my head in my hands in disgust.
And then, something happened that was both horrifying and hilarious in its spontaneity and execution.
As I grudgingly bent down to pick him up and begin the cleanup task, he made a dash for it. Giggling, he ran to our bedroom, with the Spidey bulge oscillating back and forth like some kind of butt boner. In our bedroom, my wife was laying down due to... um...
female cramps. My son then jumped on the bed, up to my wife, turned around, and began doing a butt-wave near her face. It was like I was watching a music video, with "I like big butts and cannot lie" playing in my head. In about 2 seconds, my wife's face ran a gamut of emotions, from surprise, to amusement, to horror as she spotted the bulging poop pudgy, and finally, cross-eyed, tongue-hanging nausea. The whole time, my son is laughing so hard, he's snorting.
The effort it took for me to sternly admonish my son, while ready to bust out in uproarious laughter, still has me sore today.
Poor, poor Spidey.
Last night, I was on the computer, when I noticed something. It was too quiet. No toy cars, no running back and forth... what's going on? Oh NO... he's hiding! And that canonly mean one thing...
It didn't take long to find him. He was crouched underneath the dining room table. The only thing plainly visible was the Spider-Man underwear. But... something was wrong with Spidey. To my horror, Spidey's normally two-dimensional image had become distorted and stretched. He appeared to have something poking him from the back. In fact, I was half-expecting an Alien to come bursting out, grab a top hat, and start high-stepping to "Hello my baby, hello my darling, hello my ragtime gal..." (like in Spaceballs).
Then he turned to the side, and, um... wow. Now, normally, when someone is having an accident in their pants, the poop kind of smushes into a soggy ball. Not this time. Maybe he was a little constipated, and his stool was a little dry, because this just came
straight out, with no give whatsoever. Let me put it this way: had this bulge been on the other side, then I would have been a REEEEEEEEALY proud daddy. As it was, I buried my head in my hands in disgust.
And then, something happened that was both horrifying and hilarious in its spontaneity and execution.
As I grudgingly bent down to pick him up and begin the cleanup task, he made a dash for it. Giggling, he ran to our bedroom, with the Spidey bulge oscillating back and forth like some kind of butt boner. In our bedroom, my wife was laying down due to... um...
female cramps. My son then jumped on the bed, up to my wife, turned around, and began doing a butt-wave near her face. It was like I was watching a music video, with "I like big butts and cannot lie" playing in my head. In about 2 seconds, my wife's face ran a gamut of emotions, from surprise, to amusement, to horror as she spotted the bulging poop pudgy, and finally, cross-eyed, tongue-hanging nausea. The whole time, my son is laughing so hard, he's snorting.
The effort it took for me to sternly admonish my son, while ready to bust out in uproarious laughter, still has me sore today.
Poor, poor Spidey.