The Stomach Virus, and the Stray Cat Hair

My wife and kids, on their trip to Wisconsin last week, did get me a little souvenir. No, it wasn't a cheesehead helmet. It was an absolutely delightful stomach virus.

Yep, the same bug that caused the ecological disaster from last week found its way to me, yesterday morning. Five days too late, I went to work a most remarkable shade of green, with the sight of the golden arches near my store causing an esophagal spasm. But, with a home improvement show at the Nassau Coliseum this weekend to prepare for, I had to press on with my work.

By mid afternoon, the nauseating nausea (no other way to describe it) had abated somewhat, and a short while later, with the help of several Advils, the splitting headache had waned as well. That left only the light-headedness, which reared its head last night. With my nausea gone, and my appetite back, I decided to get for dinner... WHITE CASTLE!!!

This morning, at 4 AM, I paid the price for my boneheaded dinner selection, as the second wave of the stomach virus reared its ugly head. Four different times, I dashed to the bathroom for diarrhea attacks. In a humorous moment, I somehow, in one of my trips, outgassed the first six notes to God Bless America. I checked the bowl to see if Kate Smith had found their way into there.

After showering, with my stomach and intestines still percolating like a coffee maker, I went into my room to get dressed. As I did, my kitten, Spazz, dashed to the closed window to "attack" the baby birds sitting on the windowsill. (He's not terribly bright.) As he did, he shedded a few hairs, which swirled around my face. Just as I had put on my underwear, one of the hairs was inhaled into my nose.

I have two types of sneezes. One is where you feel it coming, nose twitching for about 15 seconds, before it finally comes out. The second is far more violent, manifesting itself within a half-millisecond, and causing contraction of every muscle in my body.

This sneeze was the second type.

As I went "AHH-CHOO!", a second sound was heard. Picture some redneck with a huge wad of chewing tobacco in his mouth, and the sound he makes when he spits out a wad of juice. Yep. That sound.

After doing some clothes-rinsing, and taking a second shower, I walked up to the refrigerator, took out the leftover White Castle cheeseburgers, and threw them into the trash. I'm contemplating writing a letter to my congressman about introducing legislation declaring every White Castle restaurant a biohazard, to be quarantined for perpetuity.